I graduated from a public high school where I participated in multiple clubs. I went to college. I worked a part-time job while still attending college and then I accepted a full-time position even though I was married. That was definitely different in the cultural aspect in which I was raised.
I felt like a lot of people just figured we were being selfish and wanted to live the lifestyle we wanted instead of having children. I saw the sideways glances and the whispers made it to my ears.
It hurt. At least that would make the person feel somewhat awkward for asking a question that was so personal. Adoption had been in the back of my mind for a while, but when my husband and I had been married about seven years it really became something I researched. I contacted agencies, I asked for packets of information, I did my best to convince my husband we could do this. I did what I could to figure out how to get a baby. I soon learned why it seemed like only celebrities or those who could pull off massive fundraisers could successfully adopt.
I was crushed. Any time someone is researching adopting, foster care comes up. Somewhere along my adoption research, it set up in my heart to want to do that. I wanted to open my home to children in need of a steady and safe place. The desire had always been there. I also knew Matt and I had been blessed beyond what we could imagine with a nice home; wonderful, supportive family; the means to do as we pleased; and I felt super guilty.
Finally, it was like a revelation to me. This was it. This was why I had not been able to have a child yet. I always amazed Matt with the way I would figuratively bring the teenagers I worked with home with me. I told Matt their stories. I worried about them and cried for them and brought food when they needed it or listened when things were falling apart. He was amazed at the way it seemed I could truly love a child I was with for only 50 minutes to an hour each day.
Any other teacher knows the feeling. Matt and I lived on 10 acres of land we bought and we loved it. We always knew we would build our forever home on that spot one day and the garage apartment we lived in would be the actual garage and shop for the main house. Yet, for some reason, at the end of the year I had spent researching and accepting that we were meant to be foster parents, Matt happened to find a large fixer upper, in a stupid nice subdivision, on the other side of the mountain that was a steal of a deal because the elderly lady who lived there did not want to do the renovations.
Rather suddenly we owned a three bedroom, three and a half bath house with a main floor, an upstairs, and a basement. We moved in at the beginning of the year in February, rented our garage apartment out by March, and in April were beginning the ten weeks of Foster Parent classes.
My Journey To Motherhood
I was ecstatic to say the least. I took the paperwork very seriously. I made sure we put our best foot forward for all the inspections. The thought of pregnancy rarely, if ever, crossed my mind.
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I would gladly discuss our journey with anyone and did not understand why anyone would not be thrilled for us. I mean, they all wanted us to have a child anyway by the amount of times they asked us about having children. To those of you asking those questions, get out the soapbox so I can stand on it and you better get comfy and listen to me.
First off, these babies would be my own. It might only be for a few days or months or maybe a few years, but they were mine.
Finally, what if I get a bad kid?! Your child is biological and is a holy terror!!
I knew what my calling was. God had allowed me to love other children as my own. He had allowed my husband and me to have more blessings than we could count and made us aware of that. He had not let us have biological children. The house worked out. Even the classes worked out.
I made the call in March to our county DHR about wanting to attend the certification classes. It turned out the classes that we had to have, and they only offered a few times per year, began in two weeks. I had called just in the knick of time. We went to class after class, filled out page after page, received certification after certification. We were finally certified in July and we just waited for the call. I knew our time was getting close because others in our class were getting calls: a family of three girls needed a placement, a set of sisters needed a placement, another family of three boys needed a placement.
Finally, just as I started back to school after summer break, I got the call. I will simply tell you the child was a one-year-old, had no siblings, and had a beautiful name that sounds just like something I would have come up with. I would love to tell you that the road was so easy. It started out difficult. I will definitely tell you all about it, just another day. Ultimately five weeks in, I was exhausted physically and mentally. A week after finding out, I miscarried. A few months later, still thinking we would wait but not really preventing; I found myself pregnant again.
My Silent and Painful Journey to Motherhood
At this point we decided to stop putting so much thought into parenthood and just let whatever happens, happen. Two more miscarriages happened. It was surreal to think I had lost four babies.
tf.nn.threadsol.com/ralep-google-pixel-3.php With each loss, my desire to become a mom grew. I saw several doctors along the way. Each one gave a different diagnosis that seemed to contradict what the last one said. I had surgery in early , to hopefully correct things. In August of that same year, I found out I was pregnant with our fifth baby. Finally, I was going to be a mom! The pregnancy was not with out its complications; but on April 1, , my beautiful Ava Elise was born!
I was in love; but more importantly, I was healed! I could be a mom without anymore suffering. Everyone would ask when we would have baby number 2. My memories of that day are vague. I had an ectopic pregnacy that had ruptured and was now causing internal bleeding. At am, I was signing consents for emergency surgery at pm. After almost a year and half of trying to conceive, a test revealed my right tube and ovary had in fact been damaged beyond repair and needed to be removed.
Off to surgery again…the third one of my motherhood journey. A month later, I found out I was pregnant with my seventh baby; and on April 16, , I met my beautiful Emmeline Margaret. Today I feel blessed to have my two girls.